Do gingers have souls? All your questions about gingers, answered!

I know you’ve wondered about it many times… Do gingers have souls?

Well, now’s your chance to find out.

‘Cause I’ll be answering all your big questions about gingers, right here in this article.

Before we start, a little about me: Yes, I’m ginger.

And yes, people ask gingers all kinds of dumb questions.

Believe me. Ask a ginger friend. Or just look at these suggested searches on Google:

Good times…

Let’s start with my own personal favorite question about gingers…

Do gingers have souls?

It’s a fun conversation to have, I tell ya.

Person: So do gingers have souls?

Me: Well, I’m not sure. Do you have a soul?

Person: Sure I do!

Me: What makes you think so?

Person: It’s in the Bible or something, isn’t it?

Me: Ah, so you get your information from the oral traditions of Iron Age tribes?

Person: Yeah, don’t you?

Me: Nah, I prefer science. You know. Actual facts and evidence.

Person: That’s weird.

Me: Not really. Anyway, as far as I know, science has yet to find evidence for the existence of a link between hair color and soul ownership. So until further study can be done, I’d recommend you assume that either all humans have souls or that none of us do. Declaring that some people have souls and others don’t based on their levels of pigmentation is kind of a bad idea. You racist.

Person: Damn, dawg, it was just a joke!

Me: Yeah, I know. I saw the South Park episode as well.

(Full disclosure: I love South Park. But Cartman can suck it. Or, you know, buy a baggie of my pubes at prices more inflated than Madrid’s rents.)

And speaking of my pubic hair…

Do gingers have red pubes?

I don’t know what it’s like for people of other levels of pigmentation, but if you’re a ginger, you’ve surely experienced the following:

Person: Pardon me, sir! I was wondering if you could kindly facilitate some information about the color of the hair upon your netherregions. I’m OH SO CURIOUS!

Me: …

The conversation doesn’t usually get much further than that. But I’ll answer here, in the interest of public knowledge.

The short answer is: it’s none of your damn business. (Also, do you ask other kinds of people you barely know to describe their genitalia to you? If we were in Hollywood I could totally ruin your career about now. #metoo)

Slightly longer answer: I have hair of many colors on different parts of my person. A couple of black hairs in my beard. White or transparent hair on my arms. Other shades in other regions. And I’m going to assume that not all gingers are exactly alike.

Even longer answer: Just paypal me 100€ and I’ll google “naked gingers” for you. I’m sure it’ll be worth both our time. Or you could check out some vintage Playboy or something, you know, from when women still had bushes.

Which brings us to this conversation, which I have all the time here in Spain…

Are all gingers Irish?

This is the most common of these conversations for me. Maybe because of living abroad.

Person: You look Irish. Are you Irish?

Me: No, I’m not.

Person: ‘Cause you look Irish.

Me: Okay, well, I’m from Arizona.

Person: That’s funny. You don’t look like someone from Arizona. You look Irish. Are your ancestors Irish?

Me: As far as I know, absolutely none of my ancestors are Irish or even set foot in Ireland. Also, I’ve been to Ireland and there weren’t many gingers there.

Person: You probably weren’t in the right part of Ireland then.

Me: Guess not. In any case, perhaps now you could tell me what “someone from Arizona” is supposed to look like.

Person: Uh, I don’t know. Like John Wayne maybe?

Me: Fascinating.

Which brings us to our final question…

Are all gingers extremely sexy, or is it just you?

Are all gingers sexy?

Well, once again, I can’t speak for all of us.

But there are definitely a lot of sexy gingers out there.

In my experience dating Spanish girls (and other girls) I can say the following…

There are two types of women in the world: those who know they love gingers, and those who haven’t yet realized just how much they love gingers.

(If you’re more into female gingers, check out my friend Venus O’Hara. She’s hot.)

Anyway, I was kind of flummoxed when I read this article about the Ed Sheeran Effect – apparently, some people think ginger guys are having more sex these days because of ol’ Eddy.

Well, let me tell you. Sheeran’s 27 years old…

And I personally am convinced that he’s only getting laid because of all the sexiness I’ve been projecting since the early 80s. I call it the “Daniel Welsch Effect”.

Ginger OG – since ’82.

What do you think?

Are all gingers sexy, or is it just me?

Hit me up, right here in the comments…

Gingerly yours,

Mr Chorizo (AKA Mr Daniel).

P.S. If you want to hear from a ginger who’s much funnier than me, check out this video by JP Sears. He thinks the thing about gingers not having souls is completely true, and he’s a pretty smart guy. Two sides to every issue, I guess.

P.P.S. Some other things I hear a lot are rumors about gingers going extinct and about whether or not my hypothetical children are also going to have red hair. And I’m not sure. I googled it at one point and there was a long thing about genetics and I forgot. Anyway, if you wanna procreate with a ginger and find out, go right ahead. Send me some pics and I’ll get back to you!

P.P.P.S. What do you think? Do gingers have souls? Hit me up, right here in the comments…

P.P.P.P.S. Don’t forget to take a look at my other articles about the pressing issues of our day, such as the meaning of life and sex in Spain. Or you could even check out my article about getting old and what I’ve learned. In any case, have fun.