I’m turning 42 in a few days.
These birthdays always give me a lot to think about.
A couple of years ago, for example, when I was about to turn 40, I had my first experience of painful dental surgery – and it got me contemplating.
By that point, I’d just about reached the final dead-end in my lifestyle of hedonistic enjoyment. And the surgery suggested that the part of my life where I could just take good health for granted was over.
I ended up coming home from the dentist and writing about the stoic virtues.
There was one particular virtue that I was failing at, at that point: temperance, also known as discipline.
So I mixed myself a drink and sat down to write.
Discipline Equals Freedom
If you’re like me – and you’re probably not – you’ve spent the last several years listening to Jocko Willink, a retired Navy Seal, talk about human nature, and leadership, and war.
He’s got a podcast, and it’s very popular.
One of Jocko’s mantras is “Discipline Equals Freedom”.
I originally hated that sentence.
Mostly, this was because the word “discipline” was in my mind a synonym for “punishment”.
Discipline was what happened when you broke one of the rules made by the idiot bureaucrats running your middle school. You showed some shred of personality, or some creativity, and bam! Discipline…
So I wasn’t convinced by the idea of “Discipline Equals Freedom” for quite a while, despite Jocko’s insistence in repeating it, because as far as I can remember nothing in my upbringing ever suggested that discipline was a positive attribute you could develop. It was something bad that happened to you, not something positive you did.
But that, I’ve decided, is not what Jocko means. Jocko uses the word “discipline” to mean something like consistency, and training yourself to do the right thing, even when you don’t want to.
He means self-discipline. And this sort of discipline will free you, he says, to do the other things that make life better and more enjoyable.
It took me awhile to understand all that. But fast forward to age of (almost) 42 and I’ve realized that discipline is everything. Its the bridge between fantasy and reality. And its lack can be tragic.
Are you suffering from a deadly lack of discipline?
For example, maybe I propose that I’d like to be a better husband to my wife Morena. But if I’m not bringing any discipline to this matter, I’m only going to be a good husband when its personally convenient to me.
I’m sure most guys manage to be good husbands occasionally… so it seems like “being a good husband” without any sort of discipline amounts to pretty much the same thing as being a terrible husband.
What about a more mundane example? Say I want to get in shape, but without discipline. I’ll work out when I feel like it, or when it fits neatly into my schedule. You know, once or twice a month when the stars align perfectly, I’ll find myself in the gym.
In other words, I won’t get in shape.
If you think about it, most goals are only going to be possible with some amount of discipline. And as the author and business guru Dan Kennedy points out, people are drawn like magnets to those who exercise discipline.
In a world of self-indulgence and constant comfort, a life of discipline in the pursuit of your goals sets a person apart from the mass of sheeple who float along like buoys on the waves.
In that spirit, a few months after my 40th birthday, I stopped drinking – temperance and discipline seemed better, at that point, than the probable alternative.
So I’m now on board with discipline.
In reality, up to that point, it’s not like I’d lived a totally undisciplined life.
I work out a reasonable amount, I run a business (in a country that makes it nearly impossible to do so) and I’ve otherwise spent some time doing hard things.
I’ve also written more than a dozen books, which (as I mention elsewhere) is a long and tedious process that you’ll only manage to get through by developing the discipline to sit down and write, even when it’s not fun…
Because most of the time, it’s not fun.
But quitting drinking and getting my diet under control is a new thing for me – for the longest time, I just ate whatever I wanted and let my raging post-teenage metabolism take care of it. This started to work less well as I entered my 30s, and by the time I was 40 the whole system totally collapsed.
Being one of those old guys who’s constantly complaining about achy joints, or getting winded walking up a flight of stairs, didn’t seem like a good way to move into the new decade of my life. So I got to work.
I cleaned up my diet, bought a bike, and started doing Brazilian jiu jitsu.
Life is good!
All this brings me to a couple of final thoughts…
Feasting vs fasting
Self-indulgence only makes sense if you’ve tried its opposite.
This became clear to me over the last Christmas season, when I was cooking all these big meals and then sitting down to dinner totally sober.
With a clear mind, this didn’t make any sense.
What, exactly, are we feasting for? And if we’re feasting now, what are we doing every other day?
I soon realized that self-indulgence is only one side of the coin, and that all the major religions schedule their feasts within a calendar that also includes fasting.
Not so for secular westerners – there’s not much way for big companies to monetize fasting and self-discipline, but indulgence can be turned into money in their pockets 365 days a year.
I don’t think the fasting is an accident – if cultures all around the world have developed a similar practice, I start to pay attention. Also, spiritual benefits aside, it’s a healthy thing to do.
So treat yourself! Or don’t.
(Or, better yet, treat yourself occasionally, and remember not to get too comfortable the rest of the time.)
Time to crush your excuses
Here’s a quick exercise: think of something hard you need to do, then think of reasons why you can’t do it today.
If your brain is anything like mine, it can instantly come up with at least 20 excuses for avoiding any task, no matter how small.
Being aware that this is happening and not giving in to your excuses is an important skill to develop.
A lot of times, I find myself making excuses about going to the gym. “I didn’t really sleep well last night. Also, I’ve got a big day tomorrow… won’t I be tired?” etc.
The gym is on my schedule: Monday, Wednesday and Friday at 2 PM.
And as soon as I realize my brain has given me two or more reasons why I really don’t need to go to the gym today, I grab my backpack and get out the door. Because I’ve decided that my brain telling me not to work out is a sign that I really need to work out.
You’ve gotta train your monkey mind in the sort of behaviors you want. And you’ve gotta learn to see through your excuses. Your life will get much better if you do.
Don’t get too comfortable
One of my favorite books of the last few years is The Comfort Crisis, by Michael Easter.
In it, he says:
“As we experience fewer problems, we don’t become more satisfied. We just lower our threshold for what we consider a problem.”
He calls it problem creep, and it’s real.
Most people’s lives, these days, just don’t contain the types of problems our ancestors took for granted. But we do have a long series of chronic stressors and lifestyle diseases to compensate.
Figuring out how to enjoy healthier habits, and use discipline to achieve our goals – rather than getting the cheap dopamine from a life of hedonistic gratification, isn’t easy at first. But it’s worth it.
And doing hard physical things – working out and also fasting – definitely re-defines what “stress” feels like.
Embracing the strenuous life has a lot of benefits for your health and your happiness.
At least that’s what I’ve found, in these 42 years.
Agedly yours,
Daniel AKA Mr Chorizo.
P.S. I guess I first discovered the power of discipline as an English teacher in Madrid twenty years ago. In Spanish, I called it “constancia” which has a different ring to it. I just noticed that a lot of people would show up for class four or five times, then stop coming when things got a bit more difficult. The ones who actually ended up speaking English did the opposite: they kept showing up, did their homework, and found ways to practice outside of class. Language learning, like many good things in life, is a bit of a slog. And you’ve gotta stick with it to see results.
P.P.S. If you want to contribute to my “birthday dinner fund” feel free to head over to the donation page and send some money. I don’t really have anything to sell you here, I just hope you enjoy what I’m doing enough to make a small (or large) contribution. Thanks!
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