Self-publishing FTW! Big publishing, kiss your ass goodbye…

April 18, 2013

In case you haven’t heard, publishing as we know it is over

Welcome to the era of self-publishing, where anything goes.

Do you have a good idea?

Then publish it, market it yourself, and wait for the royalty payments to come in. The tools we have at our disposal now put us within just minutes of selling books to people all over the world.

Check out Amazon KDP and Smashwords for all you need to know about that.

Or how about my article on how to self-publish a book on Amazon? That one’s definitely worth a read.

Because today, anyone with an internet connection and a credit card can buy your words. Literally within minutes (maybe hours for Amazon) of when you hang it up online.

It’s a brave new world, folks!

And self-publishing is helping authors to make money like never before…

“But,” I hear you saying, “I’m a real writer. I need some giant corporation to tell me I have talent. How will I develop a sense of self-worth without a big publishing company telling me that my writing is good enough to be published?”

Well, that’s a good point, of course. But have you considered that many self-published writers are earning enough money that they could easily pay you to clean their toilet or trim their hedges?

Check out EL James, for example.

Maybe not the world’s best writer, but she could probably hire you as a gardener, hire me to clean her bathroom, and then hire the president of Random House to drive her kids to soccer practice.

Where did she start out? On a blog and with a print-on-demand publisher.

Wanna earn pennies per copy?

“Yes, of course,” you say. “But I want a publishing company to keep 92% of the sticker price of my book. Earning 70% royalties is for suckers!”

Very true. Nothing hurts me more than earning $2 or $3 or $4 royalty per book! If I were a real, successful writer, I’d be ecstatically cashing checks for, oh, around 60 cents per copy on a book that cost $18 or $20.

Because that, my friends, is real writing success.

Getting paid 60 or 70 percent as a self-published author only helps provide me with hundred dollar bills to dry my tears with when I’m crying myself to sleep at night.

And also…

Need an editor to tell you what to write?

“But… But… I need a real editor to remove any hint of my actual personality from my work. How can I publish something without having somebody beat it into a homogenous pulp of styleless garbage first?”

Well, have fun with that.

Having no personality, from what I hear, is the gift that keeps on giving.

When you’re collecting your Nobel Prize in Normality and Social Acceptability, I’ll be the first one to call you up and congratulate you.

“But… but…” I hear you saying.

“Isn’t being rejected by dozens of publishers the fun part of the writing process?”

Maybe for you it is!

And you’re welcome to sit at home waiting for your rejection letters to roll in, while others cash their royalty checks, secretly miserable because they haven’t “made it” as “real authors” who are “really published.”

Anyway, I for one welcome the demise of traditional publishing.

And I’ll see all you “real authors” on my next trip to Starbucks, where you’ll be living Every English Major’s Dream – spraying whipped cream on some soccer mom’s frappuccino and trying to pay off your student loans at some point before you die.

Or maybe I’ll see you in line at the bank, trying to pay your rent with one of those rejection letters.

Good luck, and let me know how that works out.


Mr Chorizo.

P.S. My hard-working alter-ego Mr Daniel has published a TON of books. Self-published. Check ’em out on Amazon, Amazon Spain,  or on iBooks or on Google Play or wherever. Thanks!

P.P.S. Also, check out part 2 of this article, about the Oxbridge English textbook mafia.

Related Posts

June 10, 2024

Yesterday Europe celebrated an election. An election to form a new EU Read More

June 8, 2024

I’d like to give a shoutout to a book I read recently. Read More

June 4, 2024

Beautiful Valencia! This is Spain’s third-largest city. And I’ve been here several Read More

About the Author Daniel

How did I end up in Spain? Why am I still here almost 20 years later? Excellent questions. With no good answer... Anyway, at some point I became a blogger, bestselling author and contributor to Lonely Planet. So there's that. Drop me a line, I'm happy to hear from you.

{"email":"Email address invalid","url":"Website address invalid","required":"Required field missing"}